The Invisible Emotional Tug-of-war between Indian Parents with Kids abroad
Once I started noticing contrasting oddities in our human nature and behaviour a few years ago, a bulk of them ended up in the book ‘Main Batata Hoon’.
The thing is though, once you start noticing them in your own life and in your network and surroundings, it is impossible to switch off.
One instance that didn’t make it to the book, but is quite prevalent at least in our Indian families, is that of one or more children settling abroad after studies. The invisible emotional tensions and push-and-pulls that both that son or daughter abroad and their parent or parents experience..
The parents reluctant to tolerate the harsh weather in their kid’s city abroad, but still willing to endure it to get to spend time with their kid(s) and grand-kid(s). And yet finding themselves often bored to death during the days, particularly in the starkly isolated American towns, after living decades in one of the most populated countries in the world, and where there are people everywhere even when you wish they aren’t. And when they would rather spend quiet time in conversation with their kid, or trying to pass on their culture and history to their grand-kids, the activity schedules don’t always permit it.
So it often ends up being little bursts of time with their kids and grand-kids, and other time spent in superlative experiences like a get-together or a weekend trip, never fully relieving that yearning in them to just relieve or recreate some of the times long gone by.
And the son or daughter, caught up in their own personal and professional tug-of-wars, between demanding responsibilities of their job, and the desire to spend more time with their parent(s). Their strong desire to give their parents more happiness, which usually, for lack of time, and after passing through the brutal worldly sieve of constraints, usually ends up being an iPhone or some thoughtful gadgets, spa trips, and some holidays. All along, yearning for a more favourable time and environment where they could simply enjoy the company of their parent(s).
Is there a straightforward solution for this? I don’t know. I suppose that is for each parent and each kid to figure out in their own way, or to make their peace with.
In case you STILL haven’t got a copy of my book , you can order it here: https://mybook.to/ss-mbh
